AT THE GEDERA TABLE #8: How we pass our rituals & remedies down through generations
Recently during a dinner party, a friend asked me, “How did you learn to cook so well?!”
My friends come over sometimes for impromptu lunches and dinners, and I whip up something in the kitchen that seems like it took hours to make.
Growing up in Sri Lanka, we had people who helped to cook our household meals. When I was around my daughter’s age, 12 years old, my mom said, “I don’t care what help you have now. What if you don’t have help when you’re an adult? You better learn to cook and sew.”
My mom, as I’ve mentioned before, has a PhD and she was a full time working mom, and on top of that, she could cook and sew really well. And to this day, she sews her own saree blouses. She’s 82!
Back to the childhood discussion, my mum said, “Yes, you better learn these things.” I learned to sew basic things, but didn't find that much interest in it, so I didn’t continue developing that skill. But I really took to cooking. Throughout my life, I’ve always loved cooking and continued to nurture that passion wherever I went.
I recalled a story to my friends: once when I was younger, one of my grand uncles passed away in Sri Lanka and the maid had gone home. The funeral was about 4 hours away from where we live. So, my mum told my sister and me, “You’ve got to stay at home. For your meal, there are ingredients in the fridge, you can figure it out.”
That’s when we started taking our learnings in the kitchen, connecting the dots, and building the capacity to cook by ourselves. It’s a gradual process; it doesn’t happen overnight! You see your older family members cooking and acquire little tips and tricks along the way. You get used to the flavour combinations of each dish to know what works and doesn’t work together, and in what quantities.
The other day, somebody told me that they put lemon in potato curry and the curry became curdled. This is because the lemon juice curdled the coconut milk, so you need to stir thoroughly as you’re adding it in. There’s these layers of intuition we build when we see, in real time, the science and magic of cooking and how ingredients interact with each other.
In Sri Lanka, you never show up to someone’s house empty handed. You either take biscuits or cake or fruit, or something small, especially for the kids. We couldn’t really buy good iced cakes from bakeries often. So, to be price conscious, my mum used to bake and ice cakes from scratch. That’s how I learned to bake (you’ll see it on our Instagram stories sometimes!). And now my daughter, Samadhi, is becoming quite the baker.
This is how skills and passions transfer from generation to generation. It’s through intentionally incorporating our younger family members into these activities and allowing them to take on different tasks as they get older. They may not always show an interest, but you find ways to make it engaging. And like my mum stressed to my sister and me, it’s important for them to know that building these skills creates a strong foundation for their adult lives.
Not just with cooking, this is how our ways of life, secret remedies, and family traditions are passed on, too. When you have a cold, you drink coriander tea. Cloves help with toothaches. If you burn your finger, put aloe vera on it. Turmeric milk boosts your immune system during cold & flu season. Don’t waste food, and instead, find different ways to use things up instead of throwing them away. The list goes on!
I’ve been reflecting about how these skills, life hacks, and rituals show up so presently in my day to day life, working in conjunction with modern day convenience. They’ve existed in their own ways for centuries; I think about my ancestors using herbs and natural ingredients for so many of their wellness and nourishment needs.
But it’s so important to reflect on the overarching narratives of our lives — how the generations before us are guiding us to live more intentionally and mindfully and how we’re passing these things on to the future.
With Love,
Jayani S.
Gedera & Co. Founder